Stephanie Staal – Reading Women

The premise is very straight-forward to write, though very complicated to live. 30-something finds it difficult to balance work and motherhood, seeks answers in re-reading the classic feminist books she first studied as an undergraduate ready to take on the world.

First off, I just want to make it clear that I REALLY liked Reading Women. I do not always show my greatest respect through my most effusive gushing. In fact, a better measure of how much I like a book is how much I have a conversation with the author in my head, and how much I want to hang out with them in real life. (This is also a handy measure of how mental/stalkerish I am).

With this yardstick in mind, Reading Women was a big winner.

I love Staal’s style and her turns of phrases. Like her, I’m much more interested in ‘how does feminism work for real women’ than the latest trendy theory, which seems designed only to put people off, making feminism irrelevant and exclusive. I kept thinking, she is ME in six years time. And I wanted to learn everything I could from her.

So while the things I’m about to say may make it sound like I didn’t like the book, actually, they are just the questions I have for the author. (Having discussed this extensively with imaginary Staal in my head, I think she’s ok with that. She knows that feminism is all about personal interpretation and choice and discussion).

Here’s my main question: why, needing insight into the challenges of 30-something life, did Staal choose to discuss these books in a classroom with college students? When I have questions about being a mum, I ask my friends who have babies. I don’t ask my 18 year old self, who is interested in sleeping and drinking and boys: not things which go well with newborns.

It’s not that the students didn’t have things to say, but wouldn’t it have been more productive and useful to discuss the issues with women struggling with the same questions – or mentors and role models a few years older? Obviously I’m the first to say that books are absolutely brilliant and inspiring and thought-provoking. But THEY DON’T TALK BACK. And I felt hearing from women with first-hand experience would have made for a richer book.

I also felt the ending was a bit too neat and tidy. Shut those books, class dismissed. Staal feels renewed, I feel unsatisfied. The title says that re-reading the books changed her life – and yes, it’s nice to know that there are armies of the sisterhood, living and dead, who have got your back; but what was she actually doing differently? I couldn’t tell.

I am incredibly fortunate to benefit from all kinds of hard-won feminist battles. For one thing, I’m about to start a year’s maternity leave. A YEAR. AND I can CHOOSE to share that maternity leave with my iron-wielding, dinner-cooking, all-singing, all-hoovering husband. Or indeed, my civil partner, if I had one. (Do a little feminist dance with me, Mary Wollestonecraft?) So it’s not like I’m feeling constantly and personally beaten down by the patriarchy.

But whenever I walk into a children’s shop and see the only choice is PINK or BLUE, or read another interview with a successful woman where they ask her about her sex life instead of her achievements, or whenever I hear Rhianna’s lyrics to Rude Boy, or see how many healthy and lovely women are slaves to diets, or when I see what Nicole Scherzinger thinks is acceptable to wear on X-Factor…. and I think, is this what we’re saying is ok? – then I realise that there is still a bloody long way to go. And I hope that accessible, contemporary, books like Staal’s help us get there.

Finally, this whole trend of embarking on a random self-improvement project and securing a book deal from it? How do I get me one of those?

Oh, finally finally, you should go visit the Year of Feminist Classics project, where I was lucky enough to win this book, and who are conducting their own version of this project.